As a public educator I cannot help but be filled with righteous indignation at the value that our government places on the education.  I look at the current economic situation and am overwhelmed with sadness at how little or state and federal government serves our kids.  The future of the United States is by definition in the generations that follow us.  What are we doing for them?  My answer would be very little.

I am constantly faced with people that rail on public education.  Our teachers are not qualified enough.  Our students are not prepared to function in this global economy.  There have been social, mental, and educational breakdowns and the responsiblity for either their success or failure is apparently left up to me.  I teach Kindergarten now.  20 students that have a variety of strengths, weaknesses, gifts, and disabilities.  I have no aids.  I have no money.  I have no resources to facilitate anything outside of the basic curriculum.  I would say that I work my ass off every day that I show up, but that would be a statement of gross inaccuracy.  I work my soul, every muscle in my body, my heart, and my mind every single day.  I go home wondering what I can do more. How I can serve my kids better?  What will I do with my two kids that don't speak English?  What will I do with my one boy who has already experienced enough heartache to send me to my grave?  I am overwhelmed most days with the gravity of my responsibility and with the apparent lack of care or support by my government.  They are willing to bailout the banks and automotive industry with billions of my money.  They set up systems that tell me that I will lose my job if my kids that don't display "proficiency" on state exams.  Exams that are designed for students that are in stable homes and speak English fluently.  And then to hear people tell me that it is the immigrants fault for not learning the language makes me want to smack them in the face and tell them to grow a heart and get in a classroom and help these kids succeed.  Get off your ass, shut your mouth, and do something to help these kids and myself.

Oftentimes it feels like I have been giving a car without an engine, tires, or steering wheel and then humiliated, criticized, and judged because I can't start the car.  Give me the billions of dollars and I will show you a society that can flourish with educated kids.  Kids that feel supported by the citizens around them.  What do they see in the news?  They see how poorly they are doing.  They see the government dishing money out to the irresponsible, theiving, idiots that have been given power.   They see a government that is more willing to design federal programs that are doomed to failure.  They see promises made and broken when the money runs out.  This must be my fault.

I am not against private education.  I fully support all education wherever it would take place because it is the intangible investment that is necessary to continue any society.  Most people bitch when their taxes are raised to pay for better schools.  Those people also throw their arms in the air at the crime, immigration issues, pregnancy rates, and botched programs.  As a Christian that takes her belief in God very seriously I am not afraid to look forward to the day of Judgement when the Lord looks at those that turned our kids away to support jails, roads, red tape, and personal vendettas or desires.  I look forward to that day.  Until then, I will go to work and continue to give my life for my kids.  To offer whatever I do have and ignore what it is that I am so serverely lacking in.  I will stand up for them and continue to rail against this completley broken system until I am dead or it changes.

Investment.  Put your money in the safest of markets and know that the change will not occur until you are dead.  It will take a few generations to fix, but if things are to continue as they are, then rest assured our society with suffer a complete global and economic breakdown.  This is true.  Or we could continue to hoard our money, bail out systems that will make the same mistakes years down the road, and complain about how little our teachers are doing.  Or you could come to my classroom and love on my kids.  Show them that you support them and me.  Buy books, supplies, and fund our music and physical education teachers.  Do not leave us to suffer and survive on our own as it that is an action that you can ignore for now but not forever. 

Or people could just keep their mouths shut and their wallets close.

Blogging again..... You will all be shocked I am sure.  The unfortunate timing of starting a blog and basically a new career in kindergarten sent this site into the depths of....... nothing.

Anyway, so to jump right back into the mess of it all.  I was telling my kids today about Inaguration.... hmmm..... Inuaguration.....hmmmm Inaguaration..... Inugration.... hold please.... Inauguration Day.  There was quite a buzz about Marack Omama being sworn in as the new President.  Most of them failed to grasp the concept of term limits and were convinced that George Bush had died and that was why we needed someone else.  Actually, for whatever reason, they merely refered to him as George.  I am not certain where or when the first name basis relationship was developed but it was firmly intact.

I begin my five minute speech, (three is all that I really have with 5-year olds but I was going for broke today), with the importance of yesterday's holiday.  Martin Luther King, or simply King as they call him.  I told them of his struggles to fight for the rights of minorities and not just those of African descent.  Reverend King fought for the rights of all minorities.  As a side note, my students are 90% Latino.  I then mentioned that he was killed for his system of beliefs.  This was probably a mistake because what ensued was a barrage of questions about how he was killed, what it felt like when he died, and where was Spiderman when all of this happened.  In a vain effort of time management I replied, "He was shot, it hurt, and Spiderman let all minorities down."  On to bigger and better mentions.... or so I thought.

I made all of the kids look at me and I knelt down to really capture their emotional attention.  I talked about how all of us need someone to fight for us, to inspire, to engage, and to make a difference in our society.  I pointed out that they were minorities, including my two Caucasion girls, and how beautiful it was that Marack would be able to open doors, doors that they did not even realize were closed.  How his very life could be at risk to follow what he believes in.  How today, January 20, 2009 was far different from any other momentous inauguration and with tears in my minorital eyes I opened the monologue for discussion.

Leslie: "My hair is turning different colors."
Erick: "I went to Disneyland."
Juan: "I'm bored."
Elliot: "Is it recess?"
Me: "Great. Great. I cannot be bothered. Yes."

Sigh.

I am fairly certain that in ten years time they will look back on today and remember my tearful plea to attend to the event at hand. 

I am teaching kindergarten.  I have had two days with 20 five-year olds.  I am wondering what is happening and why it is happening to me.

Before I get really deep into this entry let me just make it very clear that I still love my job, I do not regret my decision to move from complete independence to suffocating dependence, and my kids are absolutely adorable.  If only I could get them to stop talking.  Most of my day is spent asking them to be quiet, demanding them to be quiet, and threatening them with time out if they do not comply.  Nothing works. 

Things that amaze me as of late:
1.  That children can talk all day long.  There is not one moment of quiet in the entire six hour block.
2.  That children can ask the same question, receive an answer, and then repeat the exact same process with the exact same question ten times over.
3.  That children could look me in the eye and answer, "No" when I ask them to sit criss cross apple sauce.  What am I to do with that?  I have never been defied before and these kids are five.  I think they could kill me.
4.  That I can feel so good when one of my little boys tells me, "You look like a princess in your dress."
5.  That the kids cry when I am not with them.  Me.  Not their parents but when I go to lunch they bawl their eyes out.
6.  That two boys are in the play kitchen all day regardless of what I say.  I seriously spend the bulk of my name physically carrying two of them to the carpet only to have them there four seconds later smiling at me as though they belong there.
7.  How loudly one of my boys can yell EVERY TIME the bell rings, "DID YOU GUYS HEAR THE BELL RING?!"  Middle of a story, middle of playtime, middle or an activity.  Does not make a difference.
8.  That at 11:00 I want to sleep for a decade.
9.  That drawing a square is almost impossible.
10.  That telling on people is like crack for five year olds.
11.  That missing one minute of recess is like death.
12.  That they can fit the word "teacher" 60 times into the span of one minute.
13.  That they cannot say my name but instead refer to me as either Teacher or Ms. Ang..............on
14.  That I can speak Spanish with a five year old.
15.  That bathroom breaks every 30 minutes are apparently not frequent enough.
16.  That I am 30 years old and feel like I am 50.
17.  That lunch is at 11:10 but they are apparently hungry at 9:00
18.  That I don't remember any kid songs.  I start a song, get about ten seconds into it, and realize that I have no idea what the next verse is.  The kids just stare and music time loses a bit of steam.
18.  That regardless of what happens during the day they still hug me and tell me that they love me at the end of the day.

I feel it important to note my favorite story of the day.  One of my little munchkins is called Ivan and he received a reward from the custodian for picking up trash.  When he told me about it I was very proud and began to clap and cheer and make the biggest deal of it ever.  He was absolutely beaming and gave me the biggest hug of all time. 

Hmmmm..... I am really tired.  I wonder if I am ever going to get this class into any semblance of control.  I doubt it.